What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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