Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
