3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
