First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
