This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
