why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
where am i from again
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Come on in and take your pants off
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
