i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
