I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
