let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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