While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
