oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
