What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
