in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
