I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
