I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh god the rape fog is back!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
so much tequila, so little girl.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
