so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
