apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
