if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
