Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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