i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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