too bad you live with your parents still
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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