paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
