just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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