I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
They took my balls.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
