I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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