Porn is love you can see.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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