maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
