You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
