that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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