I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
