it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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