The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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