Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
