how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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