so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
