i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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