who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
