dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
