I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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