I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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