why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
