You made me cry and you don't even care
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
