maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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