Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
