So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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