fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
