watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They have beer where we have blood.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
