This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We had sex on a dog bed..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
