u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm bleeding and have questions
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
