just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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