No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
