new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
well you can't waste a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
