no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
