I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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