Whatcha textin bout Willis?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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